Nathan's column: Is it too late to demand a recountI’ve never been a particularly political person. I vote, obviously, and I know that an electoral college is.
By: Nathan Hansen, Rosemount Town Pages
I’ve never been a particularly political person. I vote, obviously, and I know that an electoral college is. But I don’t obsess over things like polls or swing states or knowing who half of the people on my ballot actually are.
I mean, according to my sample ballot there’s someone running for president in the Socialism and Liberation Party, which I’m not convinced is an actual thing. And I’m still torn about the Supreme Court. I realize they’re important, but calling yourself supreme seems a little conceited. I’m really only comfortable referring to something as supreme if it is unquestionably of the highest quality, like the 1960s singing group or certain Taco Bell burritos. The ones with sour cream.
Sour cream makes pretty much everything supreme.
I’m starting to rethink my apolitical life, though, after a comment made during an interview Monday afternoon. One of the women I was talking to said that after reading my editorials she thought I should run to be mayor of Farmington.
One quick point: I assume she meant the editorials that appear at the side of this page, not this column, which many people I talk to also refer to as an editorial. If anyone thinks what I write in this space qualifies me for elected office I’m a little concerned for the future of our electoral process.
We don’t need a voter ID amendment to protect the integrity of our elections. We need someone to show one of my columns to potential voters and ask them if they would ever consider voting for me.
There are other issues with this particular plan, of course. For one, I don’t live in Farmington. For another, holding elected office might conflict somewhat with my role as newspaper editor. Although I’d be set for getting all of the best quotes.
Third, and probably most important, I don’t really want the job. Never in all of the hours I have spent watching city council and school board meetings have I thought, “Man, that’s the life!” It’s a lot harder to make the decisions, after all, than it is to sit on the outside and tell everyone what they should have done. And I’m all for taking the easy way.
Still, based on my focus group of one person (margin of error plus or minus infinity) the people seem to be clamoring for my leadership. And while some might argue they should hold off on that until they talk to any of the people who actually work for me, who am I to let them down? If they’re willing to overlook minor obstacles like my nonresidency, my noninterest, then don’t I owe it to them to at least explore the possibilities?
My candidacy at this late hour obviously raises some questions. What, for example, do I stand for? What are my promises to you, the potential voters? And could I maybe get that thing off the top shelf?
The answer to that last question is, of course, yes. I am a tall person. Getting things off the top shelf is something I’m good at, and if you vote for me I will get all of your miscellaneous objects off even the most unreasonably high of perches. I will change your hard-to-reach light bulbs, too. You know, eventually. It might be a while.
All you have to do is go to the polls and cast your vote for Nathan Hansen.
Actually, I just thought of another potential complication. The election was Tuesday, wasn’t it?
Is it too late to ask for a do-over?