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Nathan's colunn: Glitz, glamour and home shopping

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Nathan's colunn: Glitz, glamour and home shopping
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There was a moment about half an hour into my viewing of Sunday night's Academy Awards red carpet coverage that I started to get excited for the ceremony itself to start. Then somebody on screen announced there was still another hour ahead of questions about clothing choices and ads for Google disguised as feature segments.

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Red carpet coverage at the Oscars is like QVC?for incredibly impractical clothing.

I'll admit, I thought for just a second they were kidding. A little warm-up is nice before the main event, but there is only so much energy a person can devote to utter superficiality. For me, that's usually somewhere between 500 and 600 words per week. If we're talking about celebrity interviews, though, half an hour is more than enough. Especially when none of the dresses shows much cleavage.

I used to look forward to the Oscars, back when I actually went to movies on a regular basis. When I had some semblance of an opinion about who should win. As I write this, somewhere just past the middle of Sunday night's ceremony I can only say for certain I've seen one of the nominees -- Lincoln. I can't guarantee that's accurate, though, because for the life of pi I can't remember which films were nominated. I think there were more movies nominated for Best Picture this year than I saw in theaters in all of 2012.

There were plenty of movies I wanted to see in theaters. There were plenty I expected I would see. But when it came down to it, the prospect of getting in a car and driving somewhere and paying money to sit in a dark room with a few hundred strangers for a couple of hours just seemed like something less than appealing.

This year's Academy Awards were controversial in part because they were hosted by Seth McFarlane, who is best known for creating the terrible television show Family Guy and for the movie Ted. Ted actually looked like it might be entertaining, but I never saw it. Because, you know, it was in theaters.

There will be complaints about his hosting, because that's what happens every year. Based on reviews, pretty much every Oscar host ever has been terrible. Even the ones who are invited back. Sometimes, especially the ones who were invited back. Depending who you ask, the show was either pretty good or the worst of all time. Nobody ever thinks the Oscars are great. Like Super Bowl commercials, we watch so we can complain about how they didn't live up to our expectations.

The evening was filled with good acceptance speeches and bad acceptance speeches and speeches that were cut off by the theme song from Jaws, which is maybe the third best choice for playing somebody off a stage. First, obviously, is the Imperial March from Star Wars. The second, slightly more surprising, is Wreckx-N-Effect's Rump Shaker. There were several winners with hair past their shoulders -- some of whom were women -- and Jennifer Lawrence fell down on her way to collect her Best Actress award. That kind of clumsiness could really cost her in the next edition of The Hunger Games.

I ended up watching most of the show, even though I had little to no opinion about the winners chosen. It was pretty good. Especially since I knew who made everyone's dresses.

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